Chromatic black

Standing out,
the lights hitting right where it should hit
a hand tries to grab a flower
but the wind races and takes it first.

Standing out,
it is stuck between those black walls
perfect violet circle in a black frame,
the dark side of the moon is
showing there.

Standing out,
a violet sun
gazed at me
and charmed me by its eyes.

Stepping in,
I try and grab it
but the wind raced me
and broke me into pieces.

Paralysed,
I see the petal,
these charming snakes fall off its head
and fly away.

Perfect circle in a black box
is gone with the wind
and all that is left is black
I step out. 

Sick

I want to take my skin off…
So that I won’t feel your fingers on my body when you’re not even here.

I want to shut the eff up…
So that I don’t imagine what your answers could be.

I don’t want to dream, you’ve always said that dreams are illusions…
You gave me delusions, delusions I love to live.

I love this sickening pain of yours, how it’s making my words flow, how it’s making me love making love to the idea of you being near.

Sick Drawings

I want to draw on your chest with my trembling fingertips,

Feel you breathe, hear your whispers in my ears..

I want to know what makes you do what you do to me.
How you pretend that there is nothing that matters.
How you pretend that you couldn’t care less.

I want to know every thought that passes by your head, every judgment, every pain…

I want to feel your pain till it reaches my bones, till it invades my soul.

I want to feel your sickening thoughts…

I want to feel your insomnia and share this sleeplessness with you.

Where are you going?
Why are you running?
I am here… I want to feel you.
Stay.
I am begging you.
Please.
Stay.

Let me… Let me draw you with my trembling fingertips… Let me draw every single inch of your aching body.
Let me feel how you breathe.

Tabula Rasa

Let’s write about something new and pretend that nothing happened.

Close my eyes and fade the memories away.

Thinking about what would have happened, thinking about what would have changed.

What if, what if I was not who I seemed to be?

What if all those people around me were just as every other thing?

What if Love was not the answer?

What if Hate ceased to be?

Close my eyes and count to three.

One.

Two.

Three.

Here I am dreaming about how Life could be.

No choices to make, just dreams to dream.

Dreaming of Real, Dreaming of Love, Dreaming of how easy things would be.

 

You.

People write about pain.

I write about pain.

I wrote about pain.

And for once, I want to write about Him.

I want to write, I need to write.

I have to express those ideas flowing in my head.
I guess it would be clearer later.

All I know is that I am writing.

I am writing about him.

About You.

I want to tell you so many things that words can’t express…

And here I am writing, Again.

About You.

You are Love,

You are Castle,

You are Rock,

You are Sea,

You are Cream,

You are You,

And that’s the most perfect thing to be.

Pure.

Love.

Words are not coming out.

Feeling you,

Feeling your tender glare on me.

All I got left are feelings, too much feelings to be clear.

No sentence can make sense so here is some words that come into me.

Happiness.

Love.

Pure.

Clear.

Courage.

Strength.

Warmth.

Pleasure.

Hope.

Life.

Back.

Perfect.

Real.

Can’t make it clearer.

So here’s what you give to me.

Cowardice.

He didn’t dare to look me in the eyes…

He just couldn’t talk about it. I felt that something was wrong. I felt that his kiss had suddenly changed. I tasted goodbye on his lips. That was the last time he held me. That was the last time I felt like he cared.

When I think about it, everything seems crystal clear. Nothing was the same. I just couldn’t accept it. I didn’t want it to end. Being around him was great. He made me smile when all I wanted was to die.
He was a friend, a genuine one. I could talk about everything when he was around. I loved him, sincerely. I loved him, simply. I wasn’t in love. I just cared too much. I just believed in it.

Naïve, that’s what I am. I trusted him. I thought that he changed. I thought that we had that perfect relation.

No strings attached, just our laughs and us.

I felt free when he was around.

 

And then, he betrayed me… perfectly. Just like he always did.

He betrayed me, and I still care… Just like I always did.

And that’s how we made love With our eyes wide open…

I was sitting. Staring at the looks he was giving me. I can’t remember how it looked like… all I remember is how his looks felt like. His stare entered my soul. His stare left me naked, frail. It showed him my ugly truth.
Even if he knew how ugly my truth was, he came back. He came back to bed and held me in his arms. I felt his warmth embracing me, I felt his smell possessing me, I couldn’t get enough of him! I just couldn’t!
We kissed, cuddled, but he had to go, he had to leave.
I was still there, on his bed, naked, frail. I was there with my cold soul that needed his warmth. I was there with myself looking at all the empty space. Nothing was left, except the bed and me. He left us.
I was still there, alone, he left me! I loved him, I really did!
I worshiped him! He was my everything!
He was everything I had left. But he was gone.
I inhaled his scent for the last time. I took a deep breath, closed my dry eyes,then left and never turned back.
I still feel him in my dreams, I still feel his gaze penetrating my soul, I still feel the pain but I just can’t remember how his eyes looked like.
Those eyes that used to undress me, those eyes that revealed my cold soul.
I just can’t remember them!
We made love that night, we made love with our eyes wide open, and that was the night when we made love for the last time.